It’s 12:51am and I’m at the airport waiting for my 6am flight back to Brooklyn. Not a dime in my pocket.. nor a place to live.. BUT I am highly favored and extremely wealthy.
I felt like El Chapo leaving my apartment.. One oversized piece of luggage with my 32in iMac, my laptop, chargers, one change of clothes and my medication.
My pride makes me feel like an Olympian coming home without a medal… but truth is.. the scars from the pain I overcame – represent my medals.
I have not had alcohol, adult entertainment, watched sports, played video games or hung out with friends in over 18 months.. all personal world records by 17.999 months lol..
Unfortunately, my demons showed up looking like LT’s NY Giants on a regular basis – with consistent reminders of my mistakes and lapses in judgement. My demons were kind enough to visit me “every night” during my sleep.. along with my deceased friends and family members.. at times things were so rough.. I went nights without sleeping – just to hide from the pain..
By the time all 9,999,999 demons showed up.. we fought.. we laughed and we cried… ultimately affecting my confidence in writing and sharing valuable information.. In the course of 18 months.. I created, deleted or saved thousands of posts as drafts. Resulting in dark and depressing thoughts. Primarily, because a large portion of my intrinsic motivation relies on my ability to add value to others.
A large portion of my intrinsic motivation relies on my ability to add value to others.
However, in these dark moments – God sent people, resources, memories and songs to help me through.
I read over 400 audiobooks and books… learned about social science, biology, history, math, global affairs and technology..
Do you want unbiased clarity of purpose?
Make no money, buy nothing for yourself, go thirsty and starve a few weeks. Lose the closest people to you via death, prison or both. Deny yourself all external rewards.. have people doubt you and treat you like you fell off.
All the while.. just noding ya head and taking it all in.
Be grateful for the love, prayers, doubts and whispers – they are God’s way of reinforcing your core belief system.
The best is yet to come. Nothing will stop us from building the Luthas Center.
Remember you are not alone..
Love Always,
Da Big Homie
